Visiting a parent in a nursing home or assisted living can be harder than people expect. Conversation runs out after the first ten minutes, the room feels unfamiliar, and you may leave feeling you didn't do enough. Many adult children say the same thing: "I never know what to do when I'm there."
The answer is usually to stop trying to fill the time with talk and do something together instead. This guide has 20 easy activity ideas, what to bring, how to handle the hard moments, and ways to stay close between visits.
Before You Go
- Pick the best time of day. Many residents are brightest in the late morning. Ask staff when your parent tends to be most alert, and avoid mealtimes and the late afternoon if they get tired or confused then.
- Ask staff how things have been. A quick word on arrival tells you about their mood, sleep and anything to watch for.
- Bring one thing to do. A photo album, a deck of cards or a playlist is enough. You don't need a plan for every minute.
- Check the rules about food, flowers and taking residents out.
20 Things to Do Together
Gentle, side-by-side activities
- Look through old photos. Comment on the pictures rather than quizzing: "That's a lovely dress" works better than "Who's that?"
- Listen to music from their teens and twenties. Bring a small speaker or headphones. Singing along is welcome.
- Read aloud the newspaper, a favorite poem, a short story or letters from family.
- Do a jigsaw puzzle together, with piece sizes that suit their eyes and hands.
- Play a simple card game like rummy, snap or a game they've always loved. See card games for seniors.
- Share a crossword or word search. You read the clues, they answer. Try our large print crossword warm-up clues.
- Watch a favorite old film or a nature program together, with snacks.
Using the senses
- Give a hand massage with a scented lotion. Gentle touch can be comforting.
- Bring a favorite food to share, if their diet allows: a pastry from their old bakery or fruit in season.
- Bring fresh flowers or herbs to smell and arrange.
- Paint their nails or help with hair, if they enjoy it.
Getting out of the room
- A short walk or wheelchair outing in the garden or around the building.
- Sit by a window and watch birds, the weather or the street.
- Join a home activity together, such as a music session, a quiz or a craft group. It's easier to chat when there's something happening.
- A trip out, if they're able: a café, a drive past their old house, a park.
Memory and connection
- Ask a reminiscence question like "What was your first job?" Our list of 60 reminiscence questions has plenty more.
- Make a memory box of objects from their life to keep in the room.
- Video-call a relative together, so grandchildren or siblings can join in.
- Write a letter together to a family member or old friend.
- Play a short game on a tablet. Calm exercises with big text, like a few rounds of Match Up or Word Search, give you something to cheer each other on. SilverMind, our own app for older adults, runs on iPad or in any web browser at silvermind.app/play, has no ads, and its eight free exercises need no subscription.
When Visits Are Hard
When they ask to go home
This is one of the most painful moments for families. The Alzheimer's Society suggests responding to the feeling rather than arguing about where home is: the request often means "I feel anxious" or "I feel lost." Reassure them they're safe, talk about the home they're thinking of, and move gently to something comforting like music or photos.
When they don't recognize you
It's upsetting, but correcting them rarely helps. Introduce yourself warmly ("Hi, it's Sarah, I've come to see you") and carry on with the visit. Your presence and tone still matter, even if the name doesn't come.
When they're upset or tired
Keep visits shorter, and leave on a good note rather than waiting for it to go wrong. It's fine to come back tomorrow.
When you feel guilty
Almost everyone does. Moving a parent into care is often the most caring choice available. Look after yourself too: our guide to caregiver burnout and self-care is a good place to start.
Working With the Staff
Staff see your parent every day. A good relationship helps everyone:
- Share what your parent loves: music, foods, routines, stories about their working life.
- Ask how they've been settling in, and what seems to calm or cheer them.
- Leave a short "about me" sheet in the room with names of family, past jobs and favorite things.
- Say thank you. Small gestures go a long way.
The Alzheimer's Society's guide to supporting a person with dementia in a care home has more advice on working with staff.
Staying Close Between Visits
- A regular phone or video call at the same time each week gives them something to look forward to.
- Mail. Cards, postcards and children's drawings are cheerful to receive and easy to put on display.
- A digital photo frame the family can send pictures to.
- Share a daily game. You each play the same short puzzle and talk about it on the phone.
If you live far away, our guide to long-distance caregiving covers staying involved from a distance, including how to coordinate with the care team.
Research & References
- 'I want to go home': What to say to someone with dementia in care - Alzheimer's Society
- Supporting a person with dementia in a care home (factsheet 691) - Alzheimer's Society
- Alzheimer's Caregiving: Finding Long-Term Care - National Institute on Aging
